


Primrose

by Tayani



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira is a writer, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Goro is a detective, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Morgana is a normal cat, Relationship Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 00:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16315916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tayani/pseuds/Tayani
Summary: On the surface, Akira Kurusu and Goro Akechi had a perfect relationship.They loved each other. They lived together. They should be perfectly happy. That is not, however, how real life works.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter of this story is written from the POV of a person suffering from depression. As such, I feel I should warn it might be upsetting to some people.

“A business trip..?”

Akira looked up from the bowl he was filling with rice. Goro’s tired eyes were soft and apologetic as he looked back at him, and the raven sighed and finished preparing their meal, setting down both bowls on the table and sitting down, starting to pick on his food when his boyfriend joined him.

“Yes… in two days. It’ll last some two, three weeks, depending how well the case will go…”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

The words slipped out without him meaning to; unnecessarily accusatory. They hung between them, and Akira closed his eyes, trying to stop himself from saying anything more. He was being such a child; they talked about this. They discussed it. Goro needed to work hard; the promotion was a chance for both of them. It wasn’t time for being selfish…

…even if this breakfast was the first meal together they had in weeks. Even if Akira didn’t remember the last time he went to sleep with Goro waiting for him in bed. Even if in a week, they will have their anniversary, and Goro promised again and again he’ll find time for them to go somewhere for the occasion.

“…I’m sorry. I was so busy lately, that’s…”

Akira bit his lip, looking down at the food as Goro started to eat, the soft, apologetic expression on his face.

_Sorry_. Goro was always sorry lately. Sorry for coming home late; for not making more time for them. For not being able to talk to Akira about his job; for not reading through the early draft of his newest book Akira gave him months ago. For not being there, and for sleeping when he actually _was_ there. And for the fact that he spent more time with his colleagues and seemingly knew them better than he did his own boyfriend.

Akira understood. They talked about this, again and again. Akira _told him_ he didn’t mind, that he’ll wait. It will just be few months more; few months more, and he will secure the promotion and have some more time. Like was supposed to happen last year, and before, too…

The thing was, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Akira and Goro met and fell in love as teenagers; and though there were times when they argued and went through their own small crises, they were together ever since. Now, almost ten years later, they were both working and living together, and were both looking forward to spending the rest of their lives together. Akira dropped out of his university where he was working on a degree in social studies when the first manuscript for a book he wrote turned into a huge success; the unique, mysterious and somewhat dark themes he explored in his prose giving him a contract with a major publishing house, a circle of dedicated fans and enough money for him not to need to look for another job. Meanwhile, Goro worked hard to finish his law degree, specializing in criminal law – and after graduating from police academy, has been welcomed into the force, soon raising to a detective.

Akira was proud of his lover, of course. But that didn’t mean he enjoyed the fact that Goro, who was now being hailed as the Detective Prince, and requested to attend cases of particular difficulty all over Japan, was having less and less time for him as of late.

They ate their breakfast quietly; Akira managing to smile and look at his lover again after a moment of being lost in memories – and scolding himself for the silent treatment he was treating his boyfriend with. It wasn’t Goro’s fault, he knew… he shouldn’t be acting like it was.

“So… where are you going..?”

“Huh? Oh… well, I suppose I can tell you as much. Kyushu. They have a case there that seems to be eluding the police… very secret, I’m afraid, I could hardly find anything by myself before they gave me the official details. They requested me specifically, I just can’t say no to _that_ …”

Akira smiled, letting Goro talk on about the trip. He had to quite look forward to it, despite it being work, as he started to talk animatedly about the places he might be headed to, and perhaps he could spot a nice inn for them to visit later, when he will finally get some time off. Briefly, the raven thought of offering he’d tag along on _this_ trip; but the thought was banished from his head before it could even fully form. Goro hated it when he was being too clingy, too overbearing. He knew that. And besides, what would he do on Kyushu when his detective boyfriend worked on a tough case?

_The same you do now. Wait for him at home and pretend everything was fine._

Akira bit his lip and focused on his barely-touched rice. It was just so hard to keep his thoughts on positive topics lately…

“So, anyway… how’s the book going? The house is so clean lately, are you having a slump?” Goro asked, with the sweet smile and genuine interest, and Akira felt sick, hoping the effect the innocent question had on him didn’t show on his face.

“…no, it’s not like that.”

“It’s going well, then?”

“I suppose.”

“Alright, alright, I won’t ask.” Goro smiled at him, and Akira looked away. “You should go somewhere, you know how writing at home drives you crazy. How about Leblanc?”

“…I’ve been working at Leblanc for last three weeks, almost every day, actually.” Akira said quietly, and Goro blinked at him, before looking away with a blush. Akira tried to remember if he told his boyfriend about this; and about the fact that the _work_ was not writing, for once, but rather just helping out Sojiro, just to take his mind off of things. He didn’t think he did. There was some grim satisfaction in seeing Goro flustered about the fact he missed something that important so easily; perhaps this was the very reason why Akira took Sojiro up on his work offer in the first place. Plus, it was better than lounging about at home with nothing to do, with only his deteriorating mind to keep him company.

“…oh. Erm… how’s it going there?”

“It’s fine.” Akira said, and for the rest of their meal, they remained quiet. Goro finished his food first and stood up, moving to the door as he grabbed his jacket and case on the way.

“I might be able to get home early today. I’ll let you know.” he called, and Akira nodded wordlessly, standing up and walking Goro to the door. Once upon a time, hearing that might have made him hopeful; by now he realized these words were a sweet, empty promise, made to make him feel better.

“…again, I’m sorry.” Goro murmured, pulling on his shoes before straightening up to look at him. Akira smiled lightly, shaking his head.

“It’s fine. I… got used to it already.”

“…right.” Goro nodded, leaning in for a kiss. Even now, even after all this time, Akira felt himself close his eyes and lean into it, chasing Goro’s lips as his boyfriend pulled away with a laugh. “You’ll make me late, idiot.” the man murmured and waved as he walked to the door.

“Have a nice day at work.” Akira said quietly, leaning against the doorframe. His lips felt cold where Goro’s pressed a moment earlier.

“Mhm. I’ll be going now.”

The door clicked shut, and Akira closed his eyes, slowly pushing himself off the wall and back to the kitchen, passing Goro’s empty bowls and his own breakfast, barely-touched. The raven moved to their bedroom, sitting down on Goro’s side of the bed and pulling open the drawer of his nightstand, looking into it on a rectangular package; a book, wrapped-up in dusty wrapping paper and untouched.

“… _slump_ , huh.” Akira sighed, before closing the drawer again and falling back on the bed.

He felt sick. Sick, miserable, and angry at himself. He was acting like a child. Akira’s eyes stung as he covered his face in his hands, trying to stop himself from crying in frustration. He was so hopeless; he couldn’t even go few months without causing a scene. And yet… and yet, the hurt has been growing and growing so steadily, right now it was just overflowing; and Akira had no idea what to do with it anymore.

It wasn’t about Goro working hard. He was his boyfriend; Akira was proud of how high he got in what little time. It wasn’t that Goro was neglecting him; despite the lack of time, he still tried, still has been so sweet and soft-spoken and interested in what Akira thought and was doing. But a meal they promised would be eaten together was skipped once, then twice, then every other day; the side of the bed Goro usually occupied grew cold and barely slept-in, as he would sleep at the office more often than not now, or in one of the few capsule hotels strewn around it, to avoid wasting time getting to and from work, or because he pulled an all-nighter and trains stopped running before he was done with a particularly tough case.

It wasn’t Goro breaking his promise to be the first one to proofread his book.

It wasn’t Goro forgetting to check his nightstand for a month. The same nightstand he promised to check every day, because this was the little inside joke they had; that Akira would never announce the finishing of his novel before Goro found the next book, completed, in his drawer, read it and gave him his opinion on it.

It was neither of these things. Each one of them, Akira could forgive. Each one of them, he could explain.

But all of them at once, and now the business trip – the business trip that just had to take place at the time of their anniversary, which they planned together, which Goro obviously forgot about… it was too much.

Akira curled up on the bed, feeling something warm jump onto the other side of it and curl up beside him. He smiled through tears, breath coming out in choked sobs as he cuddled Morgana to himself, the cat uncharacteristically agreeable, even if normally, he’d scratch Akira’s face off if he tried something like this. It took him a while to calm down, and once he did, he sat up, pulling Morgana onto his lap. The clock on his phone made Akira realize he had to fall asleep sometime during his little breakdown; unless he’s been crying for hours now, which… honestly, he couldn’t rule out, either. Time has been hard to keep track of lately, especially with how weak and tired he’s been constantly feeling these days. Akira wasn’t stupid; he knew this was majorly due to his lack of appetite, but he just couldn’t force himself to eat. Why would he do _that_ for, anyway..?

“…come on, buddy.” he said to Morgana, who finally uncurled and hopped down from his lap, running to the kitchen.

“Let’s get you some dinner, yeah?”


	2. Chapter 2

Goro checked his phone continuously on his way home; but despite the fact he sent quite a few texts to Akira telling him he’s going to come home early for real this time, and whether he should get them some dinner in town or not, his lover didn’t respond to any of them.

He wasn’t very worried. Akira sometimes forgot his phone existed, especially if he was busy writing. Goro felt himself smile fondly at the thought. He loved his boyfriend like this, loved watching him work, punching away at the keyboard as worlds and intrigues bloomed from his fingertips and into his writing program. And reading the books he created, knowing how much heart and soul he put into creating them, was even better than that.

Work has been hectic lately, and Goro truly felt terrible for leaving Akira alone so often. His lover never said it out loud, but Akira needed just as much attention and care as Goro did, if not more. He was ever the caretaker, the giver; sometimes, it was too easy to forget he needed to be taken care of and given attention to, as well. Not that it was any excuse for Goro to prioritize work for so long, of course. Even though they talked about this and agreed that they will bear with this month of separation imposed on them, Goro was worried whether they’ll really be okay. Akira reacted pretty badly hearing about the business trip this morning, after all.

Goro picked up some thai food from their favourite place on his way home – and some slices of fresh fish for Morgana, the owners of the restaurant already knew him enough to add them to order without him having to ask – and unlocked the door, calling out a _honey, I’m home!_ into the apartment as he took off his shoes. Morgana ran up to greet him, and he scratched the cat behind his ears with a laugh, taking his jacket off and setting their food in the kitchen before walking around the house in search of Akira.

The slightly-open door to the bathroom and shower running gave him the idea of where his lover was, and Goro smiled lightly, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. That was just as well, he needed a shower; and they both needed to be close to one another for once.

“Akira?” the detective said, stepping into the bathroom; the little squeak Akira let out and seeing his lover’s silhouette scrambling to turn off the water in the shower stall made him smile. Goro quickly took off his shirt and pants, fighting with his socks when Akira stuck his wet head out from behind the curtain.

“…Goro? You’re home so early…?” he said with genuine surprise, and the detective looked up at him softly, finally setting the last of his clothing aside and walking closer. No matter how many years they were together, seeing how Akira couldn’t help but look him over and blush whenever they were together naked still made him feel pleasant, satisfying warmth spread over his body.

“I said I might be, didn’t I? You should check your phone more often.” he laughed softly and stepped into the shower, smiling when almost immediately, he’s been pulled into a deep, needy kiss. “And, ah… I can see I’ve been needed.” he purred once they parted for breath, hands moving up to rest on Akira’s waist, thumbs brushing over his wet skin. How long has it been since they had sex last time..? More than a month, _damn_ … He really had to prioritize his home more…

However, these thoughts quickly left Goro’s thought; he felt Akira shudder and pull away, but it was way too late. Goro looked down, eyes widening as they confirmed what his fingers had felt the second before. Where usually he’d see and feel his lover’s nicely-toned chest, there was scarcely more than bone and skin. Akira let out a soft sound and moved completely away, not looking at him; and all of a sudden, Goro had a very bad, sinking feeling in his stomach.

“…Akira?” he said quietly, in a soft, worried voice, reaching his hand up to brush the raven’s cheek softly; only to bite his lip when Akira pulled away from the touch. And then, Goro’s eyes widened as sudden understanding dawned on him, and he stepped from under the shower, running to their bedroom, Akira following after him after his shock passed, calling for him to stop, but Goro wasn’t listening. He sat on their bed and tugged open the drawer, groaning quietly as he noticed the book – and how obviously long has it been sitting there. With shaky hands, Goro unwrapped the book; an actual, printed book, already edited and in proper covers. The guilt he felt just doubled, seeing that.

“…how long?” he asked in a choked voice. He didn’t need to look to know Akira was leaning against the doorframe, drying himself slowly off from his shower.

“…a month.”

“ _Fuck_.”

A month. A fucking month. Goro couldn’t believe himself. He knew he skipped checking in his drawer for books, but… was it _really_ a whole month? Seriously? And all this time, Akira didn’t say one thing…

That… explained everything, really. Akira’s strange behaviour, them growing cold and somehow distant, his lover losing so much weight… it was all because of this.

Akira has been like that for a long time. When they first met each other, when they were still teenagers, it took Goro _ages_ to understand why Akira would sometimes close himself off and not let anyone near. It happened after the school year ended, it happened after he was done with some big project; Akira was the kind of person to truly give what he was doing his all, and the moment that energy and passion no longer had an outlet, he’d get depressed, closed off from everyone and suffering in stubborn silence until something new could interest him. Luckily for Akira, there were always things like that in school. Troubles appeared when they got together, and after months of hard work, Akira published his first book.

Goro will never forget that first time. How he begged Akira to tell him what was wrong; how he’d watch in despair as his lover wasted away, how finally Akira couldn’t bear his begging and fretting anymore and snapped, crying and yelling at him, telling him to leave, speaking about himself in such loathsome, despairing way Goro has been left in shock, and could only hold his sobbing lover and repeat that no matter what, he was never going to leave him alone.

It got better after that. Goro managed to get Akira to go for some therapy with him afterwards; though the raven discontinued it despite his pleas the moment he got a new assignment and started to work on a new book. And ever since then, they agreed that the moment Akira finishes something, anything, Goro will be the first one to know; the manuscript being left in his drawer for him to find and see it as a sign Akira might need him in a few days. The next time it happened, it was so easy on both of them they were both genuinely shocked; and the next bout of after-publishing depression was even milder than that, and so on. All Akira needed, it seemed, was someone who supported, understood and distracted him; and he was okay.

Until that person stopped doing their _fucking job_ , apparently.

Goro wasn’t stupid. He knew it wasn’t his _job_ , per se, to _fix_ his lover somehow. Akira needed professional help for that. But seeing how much better his lover was with him… it made him convince himself, just as Akira had convinced himself before, that this was enough. That this was a one-time thing. And now…

“Akira, I’m so sorry…” Goro whispered, hiding his face in his hands before standing up, pulling his lover into a tight hug. Akira was cold and trembling in his arms; whether from held-back sobs or the cool air that enveloped him after his shower. He didn’t try to push him away, but he didn’t return the hug either; and that worried Goro.

“God, I… I had no idea… I was _sure_ I checked it, I… _fuck_ , love, why didn’t you _say_ anything..? After a whole month? You _knew_ I would be working a lot during that time, that I would hardly be home… If you were finishing the book, why…”

“…it wouldn’t have mattered if I said something.” Akira said in a quiet, choked voice, and Goro sighed, squeezing him even tighter against himself. When he spoke next time, Goro’s voice was strict.

“…Akira, this does it. You need _help_. We’ve talked about this before. I know it feels like everything’s alright when you have a new project, but it only _feels_ like this. You can’t just rely on me not fucking up, love, you _can’t_ risk something like that happening again. _Please_ , we need to…”

As he spoke, Akira started to unravel in his arms. It wasn’t the yelling and crying of the terrified boy he remembered from that one, hellish time; instead, there were soft sobs and shaking, and Akira’s body curling up against him, holding on for dear life. Mumbled apologies fell from the raven’s lips, pleas not to leave him, promises he’ll be good, he’ll get better. Every single one of these broke Goro’s heart, but he didn’t let go, only squeezing him tighter.

“…come on.” he whispered finally, when Akira calmed down a bit. “We need to get you warm.”

They took the shower together, finally; Goro taking the time to wash his lover thoroughly, kissing him again and again, whispering sweet, loving words to dispel the heavy weight of the dark thoughts that had to be tormenting him for weeks now. Akira was mostly quiet. Last month has been weighing heavily on him, and though for now, Goro fought off his guilt and focused on helping his lover the best he could, he knew they needed to have that conversation, sooner or later.

And, as they sat on the couch, curled up and with Morgana between them, clean and in comfy clothes, Akira finally leaned in closer, and tilted his face a bit, kissing Goro softly. The kiss was a welcome one; like first flower breaking through the snow, it meant the end of winter in his lover’s heart.

“…I’m sorry.” he heard Akira murmur, and shook his head with a soft expression. Akira smiled somewhat bitterly, pulling his knees to his chest and letting out a sigh. He looked much more like himself now, that the depression slowly started to loosen its grip on him.

“I should have said something, I know. It just… at first, I was doing really good. I thought I can… that I can go through it without you. But then… you were working late, and you missed breakfast again and again… I know we talked about this, and I felt selfish even pointing it out, but… I don’t know. I started feeling worse and worse. By the time it was _very_ bad, it felt as if saying anything, or even letting you notice, would be a failure. And… I really do feel better than I usually would. Though… it did last longer than it normally would, too.” Akira sighed lightly, and Goro leaned in, kissing his forehead.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, either. And that I didn’t check the drawer… I should have, no matter my workload.”

“So… I guess that makes us even..?” Akira smiled hesitantly, and Goro smiled back at him.

“Even. Although…”

“Yes, I know. I’m… not going to argue. I’ll go to the doctor this time, I promise.” the raven sighed, before squeezing Goro’s hand in his own. “…you’ll go with me, right?”

“I will. “ the detective smiled, feeling relief wash over him. They’ll be okay, he knew. They will really be okay.

“For now, though… I’m going to call work tomorrow and tell them I’ll be taking a one-plus to Kyushu. If you don’t mind assisting me in my work a little bit again.”

“Oh? Assisting how? I thought it was top-secret.” Akira smiled lightly, and though the smile was still weak, Goro saw it was genuine.

“Well, I’ll need something to do _after_ work every day, won’t I? And sightseeing alone is just dull.”

“As if.” Akira finally laughed, shoving lightly against Goro’s shoulder. “Last time we went anywhere together like that, I hardly left the hotel room when you came back. You had a lot of steam built up back then, detective.”

“Hey.” Goro grinned and pulled his lover into a deep, long kiss. “I never said _what_ we’ll be sightseeing.”

“Heh. Perv.”

“As if you hate me being so.”

“Idiot.” Akira chuckled, before settling down again with a sigh, closing his eyes. The next time he spoke, it was in a quiet, sleepy voice; so quiet that at first, Goro was convinced he misheard him.

“…Goro?” Akira murmured quietly, opening one eye, only to smile tiredly again and snuggle into his lover more. “I never want to be away from you for so long again.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll make sure not to…”

“So I want to marry you.”

“…huh?”

Goro felt Akira smiled against his skin; and not for the first time in his life, felt that this man, this ridiculous, utterly incomprehensible man, will be the death of him someday.

“I said, I want to marry you. So… do you want to..?”

“…yes.” Goro heard himself say, his voice trembling. He could feel the smile again, and feel Akira settle down against him once more.

“Okay then.” he whispered, and Goro felt himself chuckle, pressing a shuddering kiss to his boyfriend’s – his fiance’s – head.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like my stories, you can find me on twitter [@mikan_writings](https://twitter.com/mikan_writings) and/or tumblr at [mikan_writings](https://mikan-writings.tumblr.com/)!

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my stories, you can find me on twitter [@mikan_writings](https://twitter.com/mikan_writings) and/or tumblr at [mikan_writings](https://mikan-writings.tumblr.com/)!


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